


This Love

by CarlyMalfoy



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, post university
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-07
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 05:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4292778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlyMalfoy/pseuds/CarlyMalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years after leaving Stamford, Rae returns home with a degree, and she and Finn finally reunite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Love

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was listening to This Love by Taylor Swift and the line “these hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me” made me think about Rinn and about them finally seeing each other after Rae finishes uni. Just listen to the song and think about it, you will experience such FEELS.

_“When you’re young you just run but you come back to what you need.”_

_  
_ “Finally,” Rae said with an exaggerated exhale, as she finished taping up her last box.

She had completed her course at Bristol University and was preparing to head back home to Stamford by packing up all of her things to have them shipped to her mum’s house.

“Thank God for that!” Her roommate, Clare, exclaimed. “Now we can get our arses down to the pub like everyone else!

Rae nodded enthusiastically up at her from where she was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by boxes. “Yeah, I’m absolutely chokin’ for a snakebite and black. I thought I was never going to be finished packing! Who knew you could collect so much shit in just four years? I’ll probably end up chucking half of this stuff in the bin when I get back to Stamford.”

Clare chuckl=ed in reply but there was a sad lilt to her voice when she next spoke.

“Four years,” she said with an exaggerated sigh. “The quickest four years of my life.”

“Yeah, me too,” was Rae’s quiet reply.

She was struggling to get her head around the fact that her time in Bristol was up. It felt as though it was only yesterday that she’d turned up with her entire world in a bag by her side. She hadn’t known a single soul in the city, besides Katie Springer, who she had been trying to forget all about.

Rae knew that she would never forget the time that she had spent in Bristol; it had shaped her. Before she left Stamford she had known that leaving everyone and everything she knew behind her would either be the making or breaking of her. It turned out that being in a place where she didn’t know anybody offered her the fresh start that she hadn’t even known she needed.

No one knew that she had been in hospital or that she was still learning how to cope with the way her brain worked, and she didn’t have to tell them if she didn’t want to. She was clean, she could be whoever she wanted to be.

The person that she wanted to be was self-assured, funny, warm and open to a world of new experiences, and that is the person that she became. For the most part, anyway. Sure, she still had days that were difficult, days when it felt like nothing was right and that everything about her was wrong. Some days the dark, tempting call of food was too strong and she found herself binging on chips, cakes, crisps, chocolate – anything she could get her hands on, really but she always managed to pick herself up and dust herself off. After all, there was no gang, no Kester, and no mum to do it for her anymore.

Gradually, she made a good group of friends; five amazing girls, and eventually she had felt comfortable enough to share her past with them. She didn’t just tell them about the bad parts, though. One night when the whole group were round at her and Clare’s flat, she’d told them about hospital, about Tix, about her family, about the gang, and about Finn. She laughed when she told them stories about her mum and about the amazing times she’d had with the gang and tears rolled down her cheeks as she spoke about Tix, and about ending things with Finn.

She’d expected her new friends to run a mile but they stayed. They stayed and they listened. They laughed at the things she found funny and they cried over the pain that she’d felt. After that, she’d felt closer than ever to them.

She kept in touch with Chloe, and they had found that not constantly being in each other’s pockets strengthened their bond. They became more grateful for their friendship and the time that they got to spend together because there was less of it. She still spoke to Archie, Chop, and Izzy on the phone, albeit, not as much as she would like to. At first she had spent hours on the phone to Finn, finding comfort in his voice but eventually it became clear that constantly speaking to each other but not being able to be together was causing more harm than good. Gradually the phone calls became less and less. The last Rae had heard was that Finn had moved down to Glasgow for work.

Although they didn’t speak anymore, it didn’t stop Rae from thinking about Finn. He seemed to be running through her mind in a constant loop, and her feelings for him showed no sign of fading. She’d lost count of the number of times she’d shed drunken tears over the loss of him. The worst moments were the first few after waking from a dream where they were together and realising that it wasn’t real. The dreams were so vivid that later in the day, if she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough, she was able to summon the feeling of his arms around her, or of his lips against hers. It made her chest ache.

In her second year, she met a boy with wild eyes and an even wilder heart. He swept her up and into a turbulent, eight month relationship that was completely opposite in every way from what she’d had with Finn. However, even in the midst of all the craziness that was Ross O’Hara, she was still unable to shake off her feelings for Finn Nelson.  
  
  
\- - - - - - - -  
  
  
Saying goodbye to her uni friends was a tearful affair. Rae hugged them all tight and kissed their cheeks and promised to stay in touch.

“I’m not bullshittin’, alright? We’re all going to stay friends forever!” She told them, and she meant it. These girls had given her some of the most amazing times and had been there for her one hundred percent during their time at university.

She boarded the train with a heavy heart at the thought of not seeing her friends every day, and she realised that leaving Bristol felt very similar to how it had felt when she left Stamford four years ago.  
  
  
\- - - - - - - -    
  
  
Rae stepped off of the train, pulling her suitcase behind her, and began to look around the platform for her mum and Karim. They had promised to collect her at the station, and anger began to flare up inside of her when she realised that they weren’t there. They must have forgotten, she decided. Clearly, they hadn’t missed her at all if they couldn’t be bothered to show up for her.

Her growing rage subsided instantly when her eyes fell upon a familiar face. It was a face she would know anywhere; Finn was standing in the middle of the platform, clutching a bouquet of flowers, his warm gaze fixed on her.

Suddenly, she felt as though her legs had turned to lead, she couldn’t move, her heart was hammering in her chest and she could feel her palms becoming slick with sweat. What was he doing here? He wasn’t even supposed to be in the  _country._

Finn raised his hand in a small wave which shocked her into motion. As she got closer to him, Rae began to notice how nervous he looked; even after four years she could still read him like a book. A very familiar, beautiful book.

When she reached him, she didn’t even have a chance to say hello to him before his arms were around her in a fierce hug. Without even thinking about it, she gripped him back. It was like muscle memory; even though they were unsure of how to act around each other now, their bodies knew.

The scent of him was overwhelming. It made her feel weak with relief because she had begun to think she would never get to smell it again. After she found out that he had moved up to Glasgow, she had reluctantly accepted that she might not see him again.

“I missed you so  _fucking_  much,” Finn admitted, his voice raw with emotion.

“I missed you, too,” Rae replied and pulled Finn even closer to her.

After what felt like a lifetime, they finally let each other go and Finn passed Rae the flowers with a small smile.

“Listen, Rae, just let me say my piece and then after that if you want I’ll go and we can go back to how things have been.”

The thought made her stomach turn; how would she be able to cope with going back to not speaking to Finn after having him back in her arms again? Losing him once was bad enough, she didn’t think she could handle it a second time.

“I knew you’d be finishing uni around this time so I phoned your mum and found out the date and time that you’d be back. I wanted to be the first person that you saw when you got off the train. Rae, being away from you has been the fuckin’ worst. I know we stopped talking so that we could move on but it didn’t work, not for me. I thought maybe if I went out with other people I’d be able to get over you but I couldn’t.” He spoke in a rush as if trying to get all the words out before his courage failed him. “I would be on dates with these girls who were brilliant girls but I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, Rae. It’s been four years and you’re still the only person I want to be with. I’m  still as in love with you as I was at our leavers ball and I think you’re the person I’m meant to be with. I mean, why else would I still feel like this?”

By the time Finn was finished speaking, the tears that had been stinging at Rae’s eyes had spilled over and down her cheeks. She opened her mouth to speak but was unable to organise her thoughts enough to say anything. So, she settled for the next best thing.

With a sob, she took Finn’s face between her hands and kissed him hard. She poured every ounce of her complicated emotions into the kiss, she wanted Finn to  _feel_  how much she loved him and how much she had missed him and how  _desperate_  she was to be with him.

Relief flooded her when Finn began to kiss her back. It wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was ferocious. Their lips and teeth collided desperately as they tried to make up for all the lost time, for all the sleepless nights spent missing each other in silence.

They both knew that getting back together wasn’t going to be easy but it was clear that being apart from each other hadn’t worked for either of them. They had no idea where life was going to take them or where they were going to end up but they felt safe in the knowledge that they would be going together. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you all enjoyed it! My tumblr url is serpensssortia if anyone has any prompts they want to send me.


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